Sexual Incompatibility

You and your mate are truly in love. You have so much in common. You like listening to the same music, watching the same movies, going to the same places and the most important thing you have in common is your love. But with all of your similarities, you still have your differences — in the bedroom.

If this sounds familiar, you and your mate may be sexually incompatible. This may seem like a minor thing. After all, sex isn’t that important, right? Well, it might be more important than you think.

Consider this: The time when most couples share their most intimate moments is during sex. If two people don’t have the ability to satisfy each other while making love, their intimacy may suffer and, in turn, their relationship will lack an important factor. Problems in a couple’s sex life can also mirror those they may have in their relationship as a whole.

If you’re not sure whether or not you and your mate are sexually compatible, ask yourself the following questions:

·         Do I feel comfortable telling my partner my sexual likes and dislikes? It’s very simple: If you don’t tell your mate what you want sexually, you’re not going to get it! Consequently, if your mate is not open to hearing your ideas or takes offense to your telling him or her your likes and dislikes, both of you could start resenting each other because of your lack of satisfaction.

·         Do my partner and I share the same ideas and values when it comes to sex? If one of you tends to be sexually adventurous and maybe even a little kinky while the other enjoys traditional sex and is more comfortable doing the same things in bed every time, major conflicts may develop. Just imagine what could happen if you told your mate, who won’t even venture farther than the missionary position, that you wanted to bring in a third party!

·         Are both of us open to new things? Even if both you and your partner seem to enjoy the same type of sexual experiences over and over again, eventually one or the both of you will most likely want to move on to new things to spice up the relationship a bit. If one of you is open to, say, trying sex toys, and the other isn’t, sex is going to get boring, which could lead to resentment in other aspects of the relationship.

·         After sex, are we both satisfied? If both of you don’t come to orgasm each and every time, that’s common. But if either or the both of you end every sexual session feeling like you didn’t get what you wanted, you may start feeling animosity toward each other.

If you’ve identified yourself as experiencing sexual incompatibility, don’t think your relationship has to end. There is a solution. Do you notice a trend here? It appears that the single most important ingredient for a healthy and satisfying sexual relationship is communication! And it’s not a coincidence that lack of communication is one of the most cited reasons why couples break up. Just as it is important to communicate effectively in other aspects of a relationship, so is it in a couple’s sex life. Be open with your mate. If you are not satisfied in bed, tell your partner what you want and don’t want. Or ask your partner what he or she wants. Asking questions is a great way to open up a line of communication. After discussing each other’s sexual likes and dislikes, you may just find that the only thing that was keeping you from a satisfying sexual relationship was a simple lack of communication.